The Re-Return Of Morgan Freeman: The Quest Continues

There was a deathly calm to the night. There was no wind and you could hear the city slowly coming to life in the wee hours of the morning. The grey sky, with a tiny streak of dull orange piercing it, indicated to him that it was time to go. He had to be quiet. His reputation hinged on his ability to be quiet and discreet. From a young age he had learnt the virtue of discretion and valued it. Now he would need all his experience, all his skills to sneak past the girl he had just slept with.

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The Ramblings of Louis CK

Edtior’s Note: We don’t really have an editor, it’s just me writing in italics. Italics feel classy for some reason.

This post is dedicated to one of my favorite comedians, Louis CK. Louis, if you are reading this, WOW you’re jobless.

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The Adventures of Morgan Freeman

You see, murder doesn’t just happen. Its not a destination, its a journey. It is always planned, and not always consciously. The straw that broke the camel’s back. Something similar happened on January 13th, 2014. Except there were no camels involved. Or straws.

Everybody has a different recollection of the day. Its almost as if everybody is speaking the truth yet lying at the same time. It was the 30 year anniversary of Louis and Szekay’s (pronounced CK) marriage. All their friends and relatives were there. Even their son Jax, fresh out of his latest stint at a rehab center, was there to tell everybody how he was 127 hours clean, after which he would proceed to the bathroom to snort an enormous amount of cocaine.

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Everything Sounds Cool and Epic in Morgan Freeman’s Voice

“It started out like a normal day” says Becky, a 78 year old stay-at-home ironsmith who was recently acquitted of manslaughter charges.

“I was just sitting on my porch with a cigarette in my hand and a shotgun across my lap when I saw a silver coloured Mercedes Benz SL65 AMG speeding down the road. I could see that it was going too fast, it wouldn’t be able to stop in time. I watched as the horror unfolded in front of my eyes. In my 2 months of living in that part of town I had never seen something like that happen. I still can’t believe that driver just broke the red light and sped past as if nothing had happened.”

My name is Morgan Freeman and you are reading “Everything sounds cool and epic in my voice.”

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A Long And Tragic Tale Narrated In The Voice Of Morgan Freeman

This is a long and tragic tale. Tragic because it is not long at all. It does not end happily for the protagonist and is a true story. Try to imagine that Morgan Freeman is the narrator and read it aloud in his voice. It is a tale about a girl named Mary. Mary was a normal 16 year old girl. Like all 16 year olds of her age, she loved dancing, the color pink and boys. I do not know a lot about 16 year old girls. If you do, please send me your details so I can forward them to the police and alert them about a suspected paedophile.
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