#No

That’s it guys. You’ve made me mad. You’ve made me really, REALLY mad. And you know what I do when I’m mad- I rant. I rant long and I rant hard. So here it goes.

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Don’t use hashtags. Just don’t. Whenever you’re faced with the question “Should I use that hashtag or not,” think long and hard about it. Your answer should be #no. If your answer is yes, then you still shouldn’t use a hashtag. In some special circumstances, if you really think the use of a hashtag is warranted then maybe you can . . . nah I’m just kidding, you still shouldn’t use a hashtag and the answer is still #No. Here are a few rules that you should follow while using hashtags:

  1. Don’t use hashtags.
  2. Really, don’t use hashtags.
  3. If you do need to use a hashtag, use one or two or three or a maximum of four of them. And I’m not just saying this because I hate hashtags but because if you use more than four hashtags, the efficacy of those hashtags decreases. The more hashtags you use, the less likely it is that those photos/tweets are going to be discovered. Because, like me, the search algorithm that decides which photos and tweets to show and in what order, also doesn’t like people who use a lot of hashtags and is thus less likely to show your #foodporn pics.
  4. Also, using #foodporn is never acceptable unless its a picture of a bread giving it to the pasta doggy style.
  5. Similarly using #cloudporn is never acceptable unless you can make out a cloud that looks like Sasha Grey.
  6. You don’t need to use hashtags to describe every single thing in the photo. Because guess what, we can see every single thing in the photo, you don’t really need to hashtag it for us! I hate Manchester United a lot. But the only thing I hate more is people who go #clouds #trees #beach #sand #road #life #leaves #blues #water #waves. And this is not even taking into account the mutual redundancy of using both #beach and #sand.
  7. Don’t use hashtags for long-ass phrases. Seriously, what the fuck is the point of #ILoveHowMyHairLooks. Did you really need to use that hashtag? #No
  8. Don’t use the same hashtag 6 times in the same tweet/caption. That’s the dumbest thing you can do. It’s like sending somebody the same E-mail 6 times. That is how redundant using the same hashtag 6 times is. You are wasting 5 character spaces by using those 5 unnecessary hashtags.
  9. For sure don’t write the hashtag as text inside a picture. Fuck my last point, this is is the dumbest thing you can do. Take for example, the pic above.¬†First of all- this is wrong. Whatever is written in this photo is wrong. But that’s not even the point.
    What the fuck is the point of using hashtags in a picture? Somebody please tell me why would you write #hiring #buildingteams INSIDE OF A PICTURE? How do I click on the hashtag oh that’s right I can’t BECAUSE IT’S INSIDE A PICTURE AND YOU CANT CLICK ON TEXT INSIDE A PICTURE.
  10. Using #lol is meaningless. By this point, everybody knows you’re using the hashtag just because you need to use it.
  11. Hashtags, used correctly, can sometimes, and only sometimes, be beneficial. Use 3-4 relevant hashtags that you think relate to your content well.
  12. I’m still so fucking mad about people overusing hashtags. I just saw this girl use a hashtag #YouAreMyBestFriendNayanika. I seriously thought about killing myself right then and there. I had started thinking about ways to procure Arsenic poison, that’s how mad I was. I was thinking how much would a rope and a stool cost, that’s how mad I was. Nobody in this world, not even Nayanika, is ever going to use or see or give a fuck about that hashtag¬†#YouAreMyBestFriendNayanika.
  13. I am one of the most hypocritical people I know, so I probably have broken a few (most) of these rules. But that doesn’t mean you can.

Just remember, whenever you need to decided if you should use that hashtag or not, the answer will always be #No.

“But can I-”

#No

P.S. If you’re debating whether you should wear a Fedora or not, the answer is #No.

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