Ze End of Ze Humanity

Knock knock

Who’s there ?

James

James who?

James began to cry as he realized that his grandma couldn’t recognize his voice anymore.

Hi my name is Eileen. I am Jamie’s grandma. I love knitting (#JustOldPeopleThings). I killed my husband last year. Nobody knows that it was I who pushed him down the stairs. Now you know. But you better not tell anybody or I’ll kill you too. Would you like some pie?

 

Hi my name is Qodazch. I am Jamie’s grandpa. Well, I was his grandfather till last year atleast, until I died. My wife is Eileen. I loved her so much. She thinks she killed me but she didn’t. It was Loraine. I always told Loraine one day her tricks would get her in trouble. Now she’s in trouble. I, on the other hand, am in heaven. It’s actually located inside the KGB headquarters in Russia. Dasvidania.

 

Hi I am Loraine and I am the other voice in Eileen’s head. We’re like roomies! I pushed Robert down the stairs because he was threatening to turn me over to MAD, the German military intelligence agency. He had gotten to know about my life as a double agent. Being a double agent came almost naturally to me. But I never liked guns. I prefer katanas.

 

I am ze one known as Robert. I am ze double agent for MAD. It iz with great regret zat I tell you I am dead. Finished. Kaboom. Zere is only one thing to do. Zat iz, to tell MAD who ze real killer is. Which is Zamie.

 

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Its MAD, ze German military intelligence agency.

Ze German Military intelligence agency wh-? Oh shit! *BOOM*

Zamie killed himself with a grenade.

 

This was a true story.

This episode is brought to you by MailChimp, send better chimps.

 

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was no mankind. This was because the composition of gases in the atmosphere and its sub zero average temperatures made it unlikely for life to evolve there. The End.

 

Producer        Parth Gyani

Director        Christopher Walken

Editor         Morgan Freeman

Did you think I had forgotten about you?

I am Morgan Freeman and fuck you.

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there was a man. A man who had everything taken from him.

They killed his wife. They killed his parents. And he was impotent so he didn’t have any kids otherwise they would have killed his kids too. His impotence was a blessing in disguise.

One man. One aim. Many targets. 67 bullets.

He is back for retribution. And this time he has backup.

This summer, coming to a theater that may or may not be near you.

Get ready to see one man’s quest for revenge.

The Expendinator

Because sometimes you just need to end the word with -or to make it a word.

Mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read offer documents carefully otherwise sod off.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Jack Handey

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ’em go, because man, they’re gone.

Jack Handey

They jealous coz they anus

Dave Skylark

I am not MAD

Michael Arthur Doherty, fondly known as M.A.D.

Hi my name is Eileen

Loraine Dozckak

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